Healing and Moving Forward
Dealing With Infidelity
Infidelity is a deeply painful experience that can shake the foundations of a relationship. The discovery of a partner's unfaithfulness can cause intense emotional distress, leaving you feeling betrayed, hurt, and unsure about the future. However, with time, effort, and the right strategies, it is possible to heal and rebuild trust. In the following blog, we will explore valuable insights from various psychological resources to guide you on your journey of recovering from infidelity.
Coping With the Initial Pain
The immediate aftermath of discovering infidelity can be overwhelming. It is essential to acknowledge and process your emotions. The most important thing to remember at this time is to give yourself space to feel how you need to feel in a safe way. Be wary of impulsive decisions that will affect you or your loved ones in the future. It is at this time that many engage in self-destructive behaviors. Typically this is done unknowingly to avoid the pain you are left with.
In her article on Psych Central, Sarah Ferguson suggests allowing yourself to grieve and express your feelings in a healthy way, whether it be through journaling, therapy, or confiding in a trusted friend. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist who specializes in relationship issues can provide a safe space for you to navigate the emotional turmoil. They may also be able to work through things you may not be able to see as you are too close to the situation.
Understanding the Psychology Behind Cheating
When first experiencing someone cheating in a relationship, the initial reaction generally follows the usual stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, disappointment, depression, remorse, and finally acceptance. To effectively deal with infidelity it is crucial to gain insight into the psychology behind it.
According to Maria Paglia's article on The Psychology Behind Cheating, infidelity can stem from a range of factors such as dissatisfaction within the relationship, a desire for control, personal insecurities, trauma, or even revenge. Recognizing that infidelity is a complex issue with innumerable roots can help you avoid blaming yourself entirely and focus on the healing process. In understanding that every relationship requires two people to desire and strive for the goal of a healthy union, you are more likely to be less harsh on yourself, and able to find healing.
Long-Term Psychological Effects
Infidelity can have lasting psychological effects on the person who has been betrayed. Michael J. Moore's article on Psych Central highlights research indicating that individuals who have experienced infidelity may suffer from decreased self-esteem, increased anxiety, and trust issues in future relationships. Moore also suggests a feeling similar to PTSD as it can be a shock to your life, changes your brain chemistry, and leaves you with negative, insecure feelings that may linger.
Understanding these potential effects can help you validate your emotions and recognize that healing takes time.
Coping and Rebuilding Trust
Rebuilding trust is a crucial aspect of moving forward after infidelity. Whether this is done as individuals going their separate ways, or together working through the disloyalty is a very personal decision that stands to be made regarding the overall relationship. However, if you choose to separate or work through the situation, overall trust in others needs to be rebuilt and established.
While making this decision, Susan Stritof's article on Verywell Mind emphasizes the importance of coping mechanisms to not only work through your feelings but doing so in a healthy way. Ensuring that you accept your feelings but also that you do not seek revenge or include children in the event, as a result of the relationship, are the most practical (and possibly most difficult for some) actions to take.
Moving forward (either together or in new relationships), open and honest communication between partners is essential. Both individuals must be willing to discuss their feelings, concerns, and expectations for the future. Hiding scars doesn’t help the healing process and denying they exist may only encourage them to return. Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires consistency, transparency, and a shared commitment to the relationship's growth.
Seeking Professional Help
Navigating the aftermath of infidelity can be challenging. Seeking professional help is highly recommended yet rarely sought after. Many believe that since this happens more often than we would like to think, you are able to process through alone and come out on the other side just fine.
Felicia Talley's article on Psychology Today emphasizes the value of couples therapy or individual therapy to address the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity and to facilitate healing. A skilled therapist can guide you or you and your partner in developing healthier communication patterns and assist in rebuilding the relationship on a stronger foundation. No one is a perfect human being, however, working towards living a healthy life with thriving relationships is the holy grail of existence.
Dealing with infidelity is undoubtedly a challenging journey, but it is possible to heal and move forward. By understanding the psychology behind cheating, coping with the initial pain, acknowledging the long-term effects, and investing in open communication and professional support, you can rebuild trust and create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. Remember to be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this complex process, and remember that healing takes time and effort. With the right strategies and a commitment to growth, you can emerge from this experience stronger and more resilient.
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Moore, M. (2021, October 29). Long-term psychological effects of infidelity: What the research says. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/long-term-psychological-effects-of-infidelity
Paglia, M. (2021, January 18). The psychology behind cheating. IPC. https://theinternationalpsychologyclinic.com/the-psychology-behind-cheating/
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Stritof, S. (2019). Learn how to get beyond the hurt. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/cope-when-spouse-is-unfaithful-2300654
Talley, F. (2022, February 2). How to respond to a partner’s infidelity | psychology today. www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/relationship-emporium/202202/how-respond-partners-infidelity
