What is Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder?
Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) is a psychological response that occurs when an individual experiences intense stress, emotional upheaval, and distress after discovering infidelity within their relationship. Just as people can feel overwhelmed and shaken by traumatic events like accidents or disasters, PISD arises from the emotional trauma caused by the breach of trust that accompanies infidelity.
Individuals who are confronted with the revelation of infidelity often experience a range of symptoms, discussed later. These symptoms can be so overwhelming that they mirror the effects of trauma-related conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
The distress caused by PISD is not limited to emotional turmoil; it can also manifest physically, affecting sleep patterns, appetite, and overall physical health. Relationships may suffer further strain due to the disruption in communication, trust, and intimacy caused by PISD.
Acknowledging the reality of PISD is crucial for individuals and couples seeking healing and recovery. While it may not yet have an official label, the emotional and psychological impact is undeniable. By addressing the challenges of PISD head-on and finding healthy ways to navigate its effects, individuals and couples can work towards healing, rebuilding trust, and ultimately regaining a sense of emotional well-being.
Symptoms of PISD
The symptoms of PISD can be wide-ranging and can overlap with those of PTSD and other anxiety-related disorders.
Is PISD a Real Condition?
PISD is not yet officially recognized as a distinct mental health disorder in diagnostic manuals like the DSM-5. However, research and clinical observations suggest that the psychological impact of infidelity can indeed be severe enough to resemble post-traumatic stress symptoms. The emotional toll caused by infidelity can be so significant that it seems similar to the symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
The deep distress, intrusive and troubling thoughts, and shifts in how someone behaves that are found in people with PISD are like what's seen in others with trauma-related issues. In simple words, even if it doesn't have its own official label yet, the pain and struggles of PISD are genuine and can affect people in ways similar to those who've been through traumatic events.
Anxiety in PISD
Experiencing anxiety after being cheated on is a common and understandable reaction to the emotional trauma of infidelity. The discovery or realization of a partner's betrayal can lead to a range of anxious feelings and thoughts. Individuals might find themselves constantly worrying about their relationship, feeling on edge, or struggling with a heightened sense of insecurity.
Anxiety after being cheated on often includes intrusive thoughts, where images or memories of the betrayal keep replaying in one's mind. These thoughts can be distressing and difficult to control, contributing to a cycle of anxiety. Feelings of betrayal and mistrust can intensify the anxiety, as individuals grapple with a sense of uncertainty about their partner's intentions and the stability of the relationship.
Physical symptoms of anxiety may also manifest, such as increased heart rate, shallow breathing, muscle tension, and difficulty sleeping. Everyday situations that were once routine may now trigger anxiety due to the association with infidelity.
Coping Strategies for PISD
Dealing with Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder requires an array of ways to help you feel better, like pieces of a puzzle coming together. You have to look at both the feelings inside you and the stress that comes with them. It's like taking care of your heart and mind at the same time, using different methods that work together to make things easier. This approach helps you tackle the tough parts in a balanced and effective way.
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If you're feeling hurt due to relationship problems caused by infidelity, talking to a therapist who is an expert in dealing with emotional wounds from relationships can help. They may employ a strategy called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). These therapists know how to guide you through your feelings and teach you positive ways to handle them. They can show you how to cope with the pain you are feeling positively. It's like having a guide to help you navigate your emotions and become stronger on the other side. Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can also provide individuals with tools to manage their anxious thoughts and emotions.
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When you're going through a tough time because of what happened in a relationship, it's important to reach out for support. You can talk to your friends, and family, or even join groups where people understand what you're going through because they've been there too. Sharing your feelings with them can help you feel less alone and give you a different way to look at things. It's like getting advice from people who've been on a similar journey. They might have different approaches and ideas about how to cope. Remember, you don't have to go through this by yourself – some people care and want to listen.
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When you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed because of what happened in your relationship, it's a good idea to try self-care activities to help you relax. Things like meditation, where you sit quietly and clear your mind, can help calm your thoughts. Deep breathing exercises, like taking slow breaths in and out, can also make you feel more peaceful. Yoga is a type of exercise that combines gentle movements with breathing – it's great for your body and your mind. Spending time outside in nature, such as going for a walk in the park or sitting by a lake, can also give you a break from your worries and make you feel better overall. Engaging in relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and yoga, can help also alleviate physical symptoms of anxiety.
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Talking openly and truthfully with your partner is important to deal with problems, make your relationship stronger, and understand each other better. When you have conversations where you both share your feelings and thoughts honestly, it can help fix issues and make the bond between you stronger. This kind of communication is similar to building a bridge of trust and understanding that connects you both even better than before. Open and honest communication with one's partner about anxiety the PISD may have caused and its triggers can contribute to rebuilding trust and understanding.
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Creating boundaries is like drawing lines that protect your feelings and well-being after going through a tough time in your relationship. These lines help you feel safe and make sure that you don't get hurt further. For example, you can set rules with your partner about being open and honest with each other. This way, you both know what to expect and can avoid misunderstandings. Boundaries also show that you respect yourself and your needs, which is important when you're healing from something difficult. Just like in a game, they help define how you want to be treated and what's okay with you.
Healing and Moving Forward
Recovering from Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder takes time, like how a wound slowly heals. By putting in effort and not giving up, you can start feeling like you're in charge of your emotions again and that you're doing better emotionally. It's a bit like watching a plant grow – with care and patience, you can see positive changes in yourself over time.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
When you've been through the pain of cheating, it's important to know that your emotions are valid and natural reactions. Feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, and even confused are all part of the process. It's like your heart going through a storm of feelings. It's okay to have these emotions, and you don't need to judge yourself for having them. Just as you wouldn't blame yourself for feeling cold on a chilly day, you shouldn't blame yourself for feeling these emotions in response to something hurtful. Letting yourself feel and acknowledge these emotions is a step toward healing, like opening a door to understand and work through what you're going through.
Forgiveness
Forgiving someone doesn't mean saying what they did was okay. It's about letting go of the anger that's weighing you down. It's like putting down a heavy backpack of bad feelings you've been carrying. When you forgive, you're giving yourself a chance to breathe and move forward without the weight of anger holding you back. It's a way of taking care of yourself and focusing on your own well-being instead of staying stuck in the past.
Rebuilding Trust
When both people in a relationship are really dedicated to making things better, building back trust needs a few important things. First, it means always being truthful with each other, even if it's hard. Second, it's about being clear and open so that there are no secrets. Lastly, it involves taking responsibility for your actions and showing that you can be relied upon. Just like fixing a broken bridge, trust can be rebuilt step by step with effort and commitment from both sides.
Individual and Couples Therapy
Therapy can be thought of as having a guide who knows how to help when things are tough. It doesn’t have to be for only one person – it can make both you and the person you are in a relationship with feel better. Talking to a therapist can help you understand your feelings and learn how to handle them. It can also help your relationship by giving you both a safe place to talk, listen, and work through issues together. It's like having a map to navigate the challenges and find a better path forward.
Focus on Self-Growth
Even though going through tough times is hard, it can also be a chance to learn more about yourself and become stronger. Just like a plant grows through the cracks in the sidewalk, you can find ways to grow even when things are difficult. This experience can teach you things you didn't know about yourself, your strengths, and what you truly want. It's like turning a tough situation into a chance to become a better version of yourself. Embracing this idea can lead to positive changes and a deeper understanding of who you are.
Create New Shared Experiences
Doing enjoyable things together can help make your relationship better. When you have fun and make good memories, it creates a positive connection between you and your partner. It's like adding colorful threads to a friendship bracelet – each experience makes the bond stronger. These shared moments can remind you both of the good times you’ve had as well as why you care about each other.
Whether it's trying new activities, going on trips, or just spending quality time, positive experiences can bring you closer together.
Conclusion
Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder is a psychological condition that highlights the profound impact infidelity can have on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. The symptoms and distress associated with PISD are real and can be debilitating. However, with the right strategies, support, and dedication, healing and growth are possible. Whether through therapy, communication, or self-care, individuals can navigate the complex emotions of PISD and ultimately find a path to recovery and resilience.
Further Reading/Resouces
Gulotta, J. (2022, May 15). Infidelity PTSD: Symptoms & how to cope. Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/infidelity-ptsd/
Gunther, R. (2017, September 29). How infidelity causes post-traumatic stress disorder. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201709/how-infidelity-causes-post-traumatic-stress-disorder
Gupta, S. (2022, August 20). What is post-infidelity stress disorder? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057
JPalmer. (2022, August 19). Is it possible to get PTSD from being cheated on? Couples Academy. https://couplesacademy.org/is-it-possible-to-get-ptsd-from-being-cheated-on/
Moore, M. (2021, October 29). Long-term psychological effects of infidelity: What the research says. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/long-term-psychological-effects-of-infidelity
